Finding Hope By Escaping Our Invisible Cages
Four emotional cages that kill hope
Every one of us comes into the world with basic needs. These needs fall into three basic areas: physical, emotional, and spiritual. You may remember from basic psychology Abraham Maslow and his hierarchy of needs.[1]
In our modern, first-world existence, most of us have our physical needs met. However, many people spend their entire lives attempting to find and fulfill their spiritual and emotional needs. We are broken people who need repairing both spiritually and emotionally.
Augustine wrote, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.”[2] Most of you reading this have settled your spiritual restlessness through a faith relationship with Jesus.
There is an overlap here, however. We really cannot be repaired emotionally until we are repaired spiritually. We cannot be completely repaired spiritually until we are repaired emotionally. Yes, we have salvation, but the emotional baggage we carry around keeps us from experiencing the full depth of that salvation. As an example, we know we are forgiven in Christ, but our feelings of unworthiness and guilt lead us to think we need to do more to be “completely” forgiven. Many Christians who have been forgiven and redeemed still struggle throughout their entire lives trying to find answers for their emotional needs.
These unmet emotional needs are like invisible cages that keep us from moving into freedom in Christ. They are the shackles that we carry around day after day. There are individual and personal cages that keep people emotionally trapped. However, there are four that are universal to everyone. Breaking free of these cages brings us hope. Below is not just what each cage is, but how, practically and biblically, we begin to break free of them.
Cage 1: Our Need for Acceptance
Rejection, whether from a parent, a spouse, or a friend, teaches us we need to perform to be loved. We learn to earn acceptance instead of believing we already have it. This cage causes us to become people-pleasers, who seek acceptance by trying to second-guess other people’s desires.
How to break free:
We are to receive our identity from God before we receive it from people. Scripture teaches we are made in God’s image[3] and adopted as His children through Christ. We receive that identity through God’s grace—not based on our performance.[4] Begin each day by naming one truth about who you are in Christ rather than what you did or failed to do.
When you are rejected or hurt by someone, take it to God in prayer, instead of grieving over it or pretending it didn’t affect you. Naming the hurt is the first step to letting God, rather than the hurt, define you.
Practice being known to safe people. Confide in someone you trust and let them see your real struggle. Acceptance is enhanced in community.
Reflection Question:
Whom am I trying to gain acceptance from?
Cage 2: Our Need for Love
Most of us grew up with love that was conditional, inconsistent, or possibly absent altogether. So we spend our lives chasing love. When we find someone who loves us, we are often never quite convinced it will last. This cage leaves us either desperate for affection or afraid to trust it when we experience it.
How to break free:
Focus on God’s love for you. Nothing in all creation can separate a believer from the love of God in Christ[5]. Burn that truth into your mind and return to it when you feel unloved. Let the truth of God’s word correct any feeling of being unloved.
Scripture shows that imperfect love creates fear[6]. Only God can give perfect love, and his perfect love expels our fear. When anxiety about a relationship rises, remember this truth. Consider what you are afraid will happen if you are not loved. Then, take those fears to God in prayer, knowing he will never stop loving you.
Practice receiving, not just giving, love. Many people are generous givers but poor receivers. Let a others serve you, compliment you, or care for you without rejecting it. Receiving human love well can help you receive God’s love.
Reflection Question:
How am I'm trying to earn someone’s love right now.
Cage 3: Our Need for Security
Our security is shaken by loss, betrayal, illness, financial hardship, and a variety of life’s challenges. Once our security is threatened, we often try to manufacture our own safety through such things as control, money, over-planning, or emotional walls. This cage keeps us fearful of anything we cannot manage.
How to break free:
Begin by being totally honest about what you are actually trusting for security right now: your job, money, a person, your own competence, etc.. Hold this up next to Scripture’s picture of God as our refuge and strength[7]. Repentance is often needed here, and shifting your trust back to God.
Practice small, deliberate acts of releasing control of things that don’t matter that much. This small step is a spiritual exercise in trusting God rather than your own understanding[8].
Building a list of remembrance can help focus on God’s provision. Keep a written list of specific times God has provided for or protected in your past, and refer to it when new fears arise.
Reflection Question:
What is my biggest fear right now?
Cage 4: Our Need for Hope
When we live in the reality of God’s acceptance, love, and security, we will naturally experience hope. Without hope... Well, all is hopeless. Hope is the assurance that God will keep his promises to love us always and never leave us.
How to break free:
We can anchor hope in God’s character rather than in our life circumstances. Scripture ties hope to the Spirit’s work in us, not to positive outcomes[9], which means hope can hold even while circumstances remain dire.
Scripture reminds us that God will never forsake us.[10] That means that God will always be there for you, keeping his promises. Always!!
Surround yourself with people who lean into hope. Isolation keeps despair alive; community disrupts it. Ask someone who is full of hope to be a prayer partner to walk through life with you.
Reflection Question:
How would I rate my hope right now?
If you are in a faith relationship with Jesus Christ, you are no longer condemned to be confined by the cages of seeking acceptance, love, security, and hope. You have been set free! And as John 8:36 says, “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”
[1]Abraham H. Maslow, “A Theory of Human Motivation,” Psychological Review 50, no. 4 (1943): 370–396.
[2]Augustine, Confessions, trans. Henry Chadwick (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1991), Book I, Chapter 1.
[3]Genesis 1:27.
[4]Ephesians 1:5–6.
[5]Romans 8:38–39.
[6]1 John 4:18.
[7]Psalm 46:1.
[8]Proverbs 3:5–6.
[9]Romans 15:13.
[10]Hebrews 13:5.